Where was I?

hg here.
hibernation. yep. but came out a month late.
couldn't even send the poems. dorky couldn't even fill in.

this is what you've been waiting for:

what's badder than sleeping 16 hours a day without a reason
what's grosser than having a wet lesion
what's sicker than seeing million insects flying into your face with a mission (assume your french or german)
it's having the never-ending indian-rainy-season

so why am i writing a blog at 2:30 in the morning from a friend's room?
because dorky's so smart he put the lights on in the room and forgot to close the door and when we returned, lo and behold there are a zillion of those flying insects (which btw do not live for more than half an hour) having a bloody good time over my bed and my laptop and my stove and my clothes and my bag.

why is something wrong with dorky all the time?
so he tried driving his brother-in-law's bike (pathetic guy still doesn't know how to drive one). so he hit an oncoming scooty. so the girl was quite pretty.
but wtf... his toe's screwed. rotf.

P. S. 1: caps lock and shift got fired today
P. S. 2: indian girls do know some foul language
P. S. 3: smileys are back
P. S. 4: dorky been doing "research"?

Of Cricketing Woes and a Weight Gain Program

Hey you !@#$ out there. This is HG.
Now I've got to tell you people that unlike Dorky, I hate watching cricket. I simply can't stand the fact that a sphere of a couple inches diameter excites 11+11+4*+billion people.
The advent of IPL has according to me, further felled the game in my eyes. Now I never thought that cricket was a gentleman's game (hey we've got Harbhajan and Srisanth), but still since when did cheerleaders invoke interest in the Indian unfair** sex???

Riddle 1:
What's worse than purchasing U, Me Aur Hum's ticket?
What's more gross than a dancing firangi pot-belle'
It's watching morosely colorful*** IPL cricket!!!

Nothing more on it will be written by me.

Now to the more interesting part of the post: Dorky's weight gain program!!! roflmao!!!

Okay good he's not here. Dorky's size zero frame was attracting too much of that unwanted staring from not-so-straight people. So he decided to put on some weight. He first joined this gym near college and dropped after two days. Hey that's still an improvement from the last time.

So he's back in home now. And guess what.. he's eating his heart out, in the house.
Hehe, poor Dorky doesn't know that he's 'in' for a potbelly.

Riddle 2:
Who's so thin, it's difficult and murky
To say if he'd look like Posh even after a stuffed turkey
No prizes for guessing, it's beloved Dorky!!!


* Was actually meant to be for the 3 umpires, but some between-the-match shows claim there are four!!!
**That's what we're called right??
***Does that qualify as an oxymoron?

P. S. 1: I'm not a publicist for Ajay Devgan
P. S. 2: Yo' mama's so thin, she makes Posh look like she eats for a living!!!

To hell with privacy

Dorky again.
I must say I crave for privacy. (This is getting quite monotonous with too many "I must say"s.)
I really don't like it when I'm looking at my mail and someone comes and stares from behind. So it's the holidays and was checking mail when suddenly Dad comes from behind and starts asking questions. So from next time onwards I start closing the damned browser. This makes Dad suspicious. So much so, that today he just blatantly asked if I was watching "dirty". Well. I just couldn't answer that one.

So much for privacy. So much for a fished up test match. So what if we lost. Ganguly scored pretty well. And he gets a place in the team for the next test. Yipee!!!

So HG was sleeping all day after watching "dirty" last night for around 3-4 hours. He's a bad fellow. Still he had the time to make up this riddle during breakfast:

What's more fun than hearing a woman "moan"
What's more enticing than seeing her Big-Os* clone
It's having the late night dose of my favorite porn!!!

I tell you people he's a very bad fellow. Stay away from him.
*edited after received complaints from the 'un'fairer sex
Good bye for now. Wanna play little fighter. Auf Wiedersehen!
Damn the French lessons.

The 2 o'clock Blogger

Dorky here.
I must say I'm a fan of Camilla Belle. Cute. Cute. Cute.
No, I seriously have no other adjectives for her. I can't comment on her acting skills. They er... let's forget it.
I finally got to see the movie When a Stranger Calls and boy, was I disappointed. The I-know-what-you-did-last-summer kinda chill wasn't there and I don't know why, movie makers don't exploit Belle's one good quality and that's her looks. The movie seriously sucks. And a very poor ending.

Another movie I got to see (the whole this time) was Munich. Hail Bana. Quite a good movie. Long. Enjoyable. Full of action. But I hated those stupid subtitles HBO put in between. Screw them.

I know that's a trait of HG, but what to do. So was playing Warrior Within yesterday, and I must say that I kept going in circles at one point. I don't like such games. By the way HG sent a riddle for you guys:

Who's so hot, it's hard to tell

If she's a human, or an angel from hell (she's hot right?)

Who's got looks that even a pimp wouldn't sell

It's none other than my dear Camilla Belle


HG sucks at riddles doesn't he?

P. S. 1: No smileys in this post too... That's three in a row.
P. S. 2: I put in P. S. 's this time too.

Goodbye. That's English.

Livin la vida loca

Read the newspaper today. That's a new for the month.
Holidays started. Skin diseases reincarnated. Man beside me in bus farted.

Now obviously to save your puny brain from making any effort: This is HG.
Guess Dorky's exams did have an effect on me. I did lose my ability to rhyme at opportune moments but I got it back again. So here's a HG riddle:

What's more painful than a foot full of pus?
What's more fun than hearing an 80 yr old cuss?
It's a ride 25 kms long in the godforsaken city bus!!!

So what's the big fuss??
Good question. My trip from college to home: quite eventful.
First I couldn't get a seat in the bus, what with my sore foot (now there really wasn't any pus you dingy) the pain aggravated when a man 'mistakenly' dropped his heavy sack on it. Aargh!!
You gross pundit, no pus splashed across the bus. So stop it!!

Next I got a seat beside this man the looks of who would make you say: I don't need a bath for a year. Now as the second line said, this guy literally farted and wasn't even apologetic. Stereotypical of the Patancheru dudes.

But all that was forgotten when two senior citizens, with no sense of morality whatsoever started quarreling and one of them blurted profanity at the other. Yes, I'm going to tell you what the old man said: He quoted Samuel Jackson albeit in Hindi. Repeated atleast 5 times. So unimaginative.

That really lightened the mood for the rest of us, and some* even started laughing their asses off at the plight of the old men.

HG new feature: Question of the blog-day.
What's Hieros Gamos?? Google my name.

*that was the whole bus-me

P. S. 1: Gonna have a longer riddle next time
P. S. 2: Still thinking of the pus, aren't you?
P. S. 3: Who put that title??

Sayonara!!! Damn the French lessons...

the indecision blues contd...

Hi there people. This is me Dorky. Yeah and I'm not in good spirits (like always). HG had some errands to do so couldn't be here.
Yeah and it's the indecision problem once again. Don't know what's got into the whole college. Everyone's just talking about taking up honors!!! I mean isn't that insane. You'll have a college which will say after 2 years: "We have about 180 students in this batch and there are about 180 honors' students".
Pathetic. Corrigible. Whatever that means. It sounded nice.

I must tell that after the situation in Lhasa, I'm waiting for Richard Gere's comments on the Olympics rather than how many monks were killed. That's inhumane, I know, but you see sometimes I feel like impersonating HG.

Saw the disheartening Australian Grand Prix*. It was doubly, no wait triply pathetic. First Ferrari couldn't make it. And an abysmal performance ensured that they managed a solitary point. Second, that Brit Bast got it once again. Third, though this was expected, Force India's dismal performance. I don't think that they should be wearing the country's name. I mean if Italy and UK do not, then why do we? Does anybody have Mallya's number?

*You could make that: results of

P. S. 1: I know I shouldn't write any P. S.'s, but what the heck!!!
P. S. 2: See that was a trait of HG
P. S. 3: No smiley's in this post

the indecision blues

indecision: the trait of irresolution; a lack of firmness of character or purpose

Yeah and that's what Dorky wanted to speak about, but through my "mouth" because he was busy. Nothing more on him okay?

It seems that he's going really indecisive nowadays. Now see, it's 5 in the morning, his stomach is upset and he can't decide which bathroom to go and vomit in!!! Should he go to the farther one to avoid the stench or go to the one opposite the room(ask his dorkier room-mate about that) to remain "loyal"??
Now he selects the one away from our room, he goes to the other bathroom but he can't decide which sink to select!!!
That's a new height!!! He's been doing that more regularly now.

Now dorky's got exams and what's fun is, he's playing geometry wars like katrina's under his pants. Talking about exams and studies, there definitely is indecision as to what field to consider for honors, but that's a minor issue.
Getting back to more serious issues, I can't decide as to whom to vote, Obama or Clinton ??(you see I've it all planned out... I'm going to be an american desi... it's cool to have an accent)

Waiting for wedding pics!!!

Shouldn't have eaten the Rs. 15 omelette

There were wars once again at the messaging board in dc... Boy i love them all.

Love Russell Peters*. Love CJ Papa**. Love myself.

* No, I ain't gay
** I ain't gay 2

P. S. 1: You should've seen his puke. I mean that was gross!!!
P. S. 2: You should'nt have seen my puke. It was mine!!! Why did you see it??
P. S. 3: Now you see that was him, Dorky
P. S. 4: this is going to be the last one
P. S. 5: my hands are tiring
P. S. 6: myyyyyy haaaan........

Bon jour monsieur

Ok this is HG here. I hope Dorky* has told to you about me, because I don't like making an entry without being introduced. Now if by chance you happen to speak a bit of French you should be able to tell what the title means and recognize the holy fact that it actually rhymes.
Paul Pimsleur wouldn't agree with me but let him rot in hell.

HG riddle** for you:
What comes in once a year
Takes your drums away by the ear
Is the best time to work your feet
With girls galore who're chic and neat

If you din't get it, I wouldn't complain if you weren't from Dorky's college. But if you are and still din't get it makes me say "You suck you pathetic dingbat. You should get a life".

Now puhleeez people, it's Felicity (pron: Fi-li-si-ti). That's where Dorky's gone, to listen to some water body guys blaring their throats to glory.

While he's left me here to entertain people who have thought it prudent to waste time reading shit spit into a browser from someone's mind, rather than doing something fruitful.
Oh yes that includes you, you filthy scum of the earth! The world could do better without your weight on it!

Ok now enough from me, I'll come back next time along with Dorky and probably that'll stick you to your seats.
Au revoir, goodbye and good riddance


*I have called him this ever since he pee-ed in front of his whole class in 2nd grade
**Hey you're going to find many of these from now on

P. S. 1: Dorky also once pooped in 4th grade
P. S. 2: I won't write any more secrets in P. S.
P. S. 3: He'll kick my balls for writing the first

The Hallelujah Guy

It isn't really often that you find yourself vexed by the fact that you have this person hidden deep inside you, whom your friends would call "you're losing it!!!" or the psychiatrist would put in "it's a case of acute MPS*", and you begin to realize that he's actually more than a figment of your imagination.

He has literally begun to scourge my balls for not allowing him to pour his acoustic bearings (let's make that digital) in front of the world.

So what did I do? After helping myself to a nice warm underwear wash, switched on the system, opened the browser and fit in the bar, the word "blog", and lo and behold there came out a zillion entries!!!
Seriously try putting nonsensical things like "1", "2"... in google and it does give you a "kick".

That's when I decided that it was time to introduce this teeny-weeny pathetic dwellers' planet to the gargantuan, gigantic, elephantine, humongous, zeusian world of The Hallelujah Guy. You din't think that the last adjective existed did you??

So the next time it's mostly going to be HG (you got that din't you??) who'll be the rooster while I have a look at Felicity (you had a look at the pronunciation din't you??). More on that by HG in the next session.

Alright then, au revoir, and wish me luck for my French lessons, which sadly are going nowhere

*For the uninformed: if you do not watch too many movies you won't know what Multiple Personality Syndrome is.

The "din't you??"s have been put in there by HG just to piss you off.

P. S.: I will never write another P. S. but HG may.